FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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