I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
