drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
