i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
