I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
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