kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
