i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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