My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Bring me that man meat
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
