that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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