i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Randomize
