ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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