I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize