booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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