and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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