Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
