so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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