We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
