I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
