he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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