she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
