this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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