Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
