I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
