i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
