I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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