Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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