I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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