I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
