we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
