We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
