got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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