Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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