I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
