things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
