HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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