my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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