my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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