she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
