Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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