I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
