My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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