Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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