How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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