Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
