just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
