so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
