We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
