first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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