You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
