My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Shame - the story of my life.
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