Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
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I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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