The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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