I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
People with herpes should wear stickers.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
