every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
