So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
