Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
