i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
