mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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