no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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