OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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