make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
