high people should be assigned attendants
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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