is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
