Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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