I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
