Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
