Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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