Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
