my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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