The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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