I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
