flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
