I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
